mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
