You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
