You just made me feel so damn special
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize