She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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