My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
