he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
