the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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