And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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