Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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