mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
