This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
