How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
