i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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