He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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