remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
