Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
