How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
