WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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