So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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