you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want her autograph on my taint
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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