And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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