One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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