Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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