i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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