you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
