Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize