There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
