If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
