i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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