Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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