Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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