You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
