Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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