is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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