I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
