allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Congratulations! We have a period
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