Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
