do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
