Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
