Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
