my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
