You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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