Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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