dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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