Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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