It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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