I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
