If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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