This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I want to fling myself into the sun
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
