I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so let's talk penis.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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