There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
