Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
