Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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