last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All the doctor said was why
The air taste purple.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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