he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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