They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
