Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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