I think I died a long time ago.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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