I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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