was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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