Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
