Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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