singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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