It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
