he fucked my hip out of place.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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