I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would fuck him just for his dog
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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