Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
