My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
