i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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