He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
