i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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