I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
