All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize