I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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