put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
