So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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