Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
