She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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