i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize