just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
