What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
