Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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