Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
