Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
