I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
