I will die if light touches me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
