How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
