from now on my penis is your penis
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She needs sedatives and a leash
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
