Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize