Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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