I need to stop coming to work sober
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize