dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
