upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
