he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
