I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize