Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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