Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize